September 23, 2018
Hello friends. Today I want to tell you what God has been teaching me about lately – relying on Him. It’s been a struggle my entire life to not worry about things. If you met me I don’t think I’d come across as anxious (?); but, those who know me know that I analyze things. That can be good and bad. It’s good for the line of work that I’m in but when it comes to my personal life it’s been more of a hinderance. I’ve tried to analyze my life (not so much people) so much so that I feel like I have some sort of feeling of control over my life. As I type that, I realize how insane it really is to think that by thinking (worrying) about tomorrow that I can relieve myself of what may come my way. It’s actually trying to control my life when I should give it over to God and just trust in Him.
Friend, I’ve known that for as long as I can remember. I was raised in a Christian family, yet this didn’t sink in until I had nowhere else to turn. In fact, this change didn’t come about until about two months ago – yes, two months ago! Allow me to share some more background information with you. I’m in my mid-30s, single, and I have no children yet. These are all things that I wish were not true at this stage in my life. At some point I’ll speak more about that, but right now I want to show you how God has been working in my life. I think this will be a longer blog post than most, but please bear with me.
**Friendly reminder that all names have been changed for privacy reasons.
I’ve been divorced for about a year and a half now and only in the past year have I seriously opened up to the possibilities of dating since my divorce. I’m trying to be intentional on dating and finding a true Christian husband because I made the mistake in my first marriage of dating someone who was a Christian in title only. Please understand I’m not trying to discount this person’s faith in Christ. However, the fruit of Spirit was not evident in their life and if I’m being honest it was only evident in my life part of the time. During the trying times of my marriage God showed me what sacrificial love was about. I didn’t want the divorce; but, in the end, it was a blessing. For some, this may be hard to understand. I hate to keep saying that I’ll speak more about this later, but at this early stage in my blogging experience it’s too much to unpack all at once. Since my marriage to James (ex-husband), I’ve learned a lot on what to do and what not to do. I’ve also grown in my Christian walk with Christ. I want God’s will in my life and His idea for marriage of two people being equally yoked. I previously thought that if two people were Christians that it met God’s idea for marriage. I sort of just checked the block and didn’t think about it much. I was wrong. I now understand that God wants two people who are trying to live their lives for Him on a daily basis. He wants them to submit themselves to Him and to each other as husband and wife (understanding that we’re all flawed). That is what I’m looking for at this point in life.
Allow me to share some more information with you before I go on. In the state that I live in, a person must wait a set period of time before they can file for divorce. By the time that my ex-husband and I were officially divorced it was a year and a half since the time that he had first told me that he wanted a divorce. During that time of waiting I chose to try to heal the hurt that was in my heart. I went to counseling, learned how certain events in my life had affected me up to that point, and sometimes prayed for help from God. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been a praying person my entire life; but, only recently has my prayer life grown to where I understand the true power of God and the power of prayer. I guess I previously and subconsciously thought that God was listening to my prayers but that what was on my heart and mind wasn’t that important. I’m not sure how to explain this; I have a hard time even figuring out my thoughts on what I previously felt and believed. I know that I didn’t recognize the power of prayer and the promises given to us by God in His Word. Yes, there were times that I knew that what was on my heart and mind was being heard; but, I didn’t truly understand the opportunity that God gives us when praying to Him. Nor did I give God credit for things when His hand was working. I’ve never really believed in coincidence but at the same time I haven’t given God the Glory for things that were due to Him.
[Sigh] Writing a blog is hard… getting my thoughts out to you and figuring out what to write first and if it’s going to make sense is mind boggling. I don’t know where to start sometimes.
Stay tuned for part 2…. In the meantime, what has God been trying to teach you about lately?
God Bless,
Penelope G.