March 11, 2019 (continued)
At this point, only God can rekindle a relationship that barely had time to start and ended so quickly. Only God can put something like this in a man’s heart at this point and have him pursue me. There are details I won’t go into for the sake of privacy of both Kyle and I; but, if I were anyone else looking in at my story, I’d say that this fish is dead in the water. But…God is able, and I’m counting on Him to bring this dead thing back to life! And, I’m just crazy enough to have faith to pray for it. He’s brought dead things back to life many times in the Bible; and, the God of the Bible is the same God that we serve today. Hebrews 13:8 tells us, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” I have to admit that sometimes I wonder if I’m just being stubborn when it comes to Kyle, but maybe God created this stubbornness and hopefulness in me “for such a time as this” (Esther 4:14)?!
Allow me to explain in this already l-o-n-g blog post why I believe this prayer request will be answered. Here are my reasons in no particular order:
1. I’m trying to live within the will of God by searching for a godly Christian husband.
2. I’m trying to live a holy life, according to God’s Word in my daily life. This includes addressing sin in my life (this includes repenting as well as accepting forgiveness of my past sins). I’m not perfect, but I’m trying to live a life that honors God. It’s a daily thing and some days are harder than others.
3. I’m reading His Word and learning more about who He really is (this includes the Trinity as a whole).
4. When I look back and connect the dots of God’s providential hand in how Kyle and I met, I believe it’s an opportunity to further show God’s goodness when this specific prayer request is answered.
5. I’ve surrendered to His will, at the same time recognizing that He gives us freewill.
6. I’m communicating with Him – I’m praying and asking for the desires of my heart, even though He already knows them (which also specifically includes taking the time to ask Him about Kyle in my life). Communicating also means that I’m giving Him the opportunity to speak to me – by listening to what He has to say. It also means that I’m praising Him in the meantime and being joyful in Him and about Him.
7. I’m honoring God by doing what His Word gives us an opportunity to do and stepping out in faith – praying to Him and reminding Him of His promises – then, allowing Him to do what He promises Believers He will do (He gives us lots of promises) – and not wavering until He gives me an answer. (Although I sometimes must admit that I feel like Peter walking on the water sometimes… sometimes I walk, sometimes I sink, but overall, I’m walking.)
8. It will give God more glory! Answering this specific prayer request will bring more people to believe in God – for various purposes… salvation, telling others of His goodness, or for something that they need or desire in their own lives. In addition to people learning about the answer of my prayer through this blog site (and there are people in countries around the world – this still blows my mind), you better believe that I’m going to tell so many people about this answer to prayer that I come across in my daily life! Not to mention there are people in my life that will repeat this answer to prayer that will continue to give God the glory! And, it will help me to give God more glory in the future in how I want to continue honoring Him!
9. He’s a good Father and likes to bless us!
Wow! There are more points to that than I first realized! I want to clarify something though… God isn’t going to bless me and answer my prayers because of any works that I do, but because He is gracious and loving. We are called to be obedient to the Lord. He is loving despite our sin, but He has cleansed us by His blood when He died on the cross. Accepting God as my Lord and Savior has made me righteous in His sight and because of that reason only am I able to come before the Lord and make such requests. I believe God at His word and accept the privilege to come before Him with my requests. So, while it’s not works based that my prayers will be answered, it is also on me to follow the will of God for my life in humble expectation of Him answering my prayer requests (no matter what they are about). If you’re a new believer this may be hard to grasp… well, even if you’re not a new believer this is something that takes a while to really sink in before you can fully understand it.
I’ve also added on to my prayer request and asked God for something even more specific – a specific date. I’m not sure if God will answer this part of my prayer request, but it doesn’t hurt to ask. He’ll either answer it with a “yes” or a “no” where this specific request is concerned. I’ve asked God to answer my prayer request by March 23, 2019. I don’t know why, but back in August and September 2018 I woke up a few times, on different days, with the number 23 in my head. The number 23 means absolutely nothing to me at all except that it’s Michael Jordan’s old jersey number when he played basketball. I think this is one of the weirdest things I’ve ever said to anyone and I’ve yet to make sense of it myself, but I thought, “Hey, why not use it in a prayer?!” So, here I am asking for God to answer my prayer on the 23rd of the month, for no apparent reason other than it came to me twice about a week or so apart. So, if God answers my prayer by March 23, 2019 then that’s awesome! More glory to God! If not… well, I will still have no idea what the number 23 represents. It’s still very strange for me to tell you this information. What’s a bit more of it at this point though; right? Ha, ha! I told one of my very close friends about this specific date and their response was, “Well, at least you gave God more than three days to answer your prayer this time!” I don’t know what it is with me and dates, times, etc. You know what though? I can think of two times within the past year that God has answered my prayer requests within three or four hours. I didn’t put a time limit to them back then, but God is sometimes quick (by humanly standards) to answer our prayers! He’s always quick in His timing (in the Heavenly realm) because He’s always right on time (many verses to back that up).
Also, I’ve had four or five possibilities come up as far as things I’d like to do that I find interesting or people who want to make appointments with me for the 23rd of this month since I began praying for that to happen. It’s so strange; but, it’s only happened since I’ve asked God for this extra prayer request. I’ve never had so many requests for a specific date for as long as I can remember. I also feel like so many things have come up for me to not write this post (busyness, health issues, doubt, fear, etc.). I think the devil is working overtime. I’d appreciate your prayers on the battles taking place in the heavenly realms, my friend! Even if God chooses not to answer this “add-on” to my prayer, it will be alright. I have faith in God’s decision on this matter over all and in His timing. Sometimes I have rough days, but I have to remind myself that God’s never failed me.
There’s a lady that I met last fall that made an impression on me. I had dinner that evening with my mom and step-dad and they brought a few friends along to the restaurant. The lady asked something about whether or not I was dating anyone and then why not, or something like that. I had never met this lady before, but there was something in her question that made me pause. I felt like I had to tell her why I wasn’t dating anyone at that point. Now, I don’t go around telling people about Kyle. I told two or three people about him when he and I were getting to know each other, but that was it. I didn’t even tell my mom and dad about him until a couple of weeks after we stopped talking and that was only because I realized my heart had gotten attached and I was surprised when it felt broken. I needed someone to lean on. So, that’s how my family found out that I had entered the dating scene again since my divorce. I had different experiences on the dating scene before I met Kyle, but I chose to just keep them to myself. I’m a private person, which is why this blog is so ironic. But, at the same time, I’m really open – to a certain extent. My boss said as much the other day too. Anyway, back to my mom’s friend… I felt that I needed to briefly tell her my story and how God was working in my life at that time and telling me to just wait on Him. Do you know what she told me?! It took me by surprise – I was in disbelief and joyous at the same time… She told me that she wanted an invitation to our wedding! The only other person who had even thought out loud enough to hint that Kyle and I getting married might ever be an option was my mom. She asked what Kyle’s last name was; I told her, and she put my first name and his last name together and said it out loud. It was as if hearing my first name and his last name coming out of my mom’s mouth made it even more real to me. It touched my heart. Something else that has touched my heart is that my mom and dad have both let me know that they are still praying for me where this situation is concerned – and for Kyle! My parents have gone beyond what I imagined in this area of my life! My dad called me out of the blue the other day just to let me know that he had just prayed for me where this is concerned.
I was so hesitant to tell my mom’s friend my story; and, when I first told my mom about Kyle, I was nervous as well. I’ve never been the kind of girl to tell my mom, my dad, or any one else other than a very close friend this kind of stuff. It’s not who I am. My mom’s friend floored me when she came back with her response. A couple of months earlier when I told my mom some of the things that God was doing in my life and she responded by saying my name outloud with his last name it shocked me too. She also surprised me when she told me of a married couple that our family knows who were very much in love with one another until they died – I found out that they got married after only knowing each other for three weeks! I thought for sure my mom would think that was crazy, but she didn’t. I’m pretty sure she would normally think that way. But, I also believe that she knows me well enough to know that I’m a person who thinks things through and if I ever came back and said that I was getting married after knowing someone for three weeks that she would know that it came with some serious thought behind it. Three weeks seems extremely soon to me, but at the same time, I can understand it. And, if two people are really committed to one another, especially through the bond of Christ, then why not?! I think that more than three weeks is generally the route to go, but you know what… I bet if you asked a happily married couple that has been married for a long period of time when it was that they knew that their husband or wife was “the one” that they wanted to marry that it was within the first few weeks. I also understand that people continue find out after three weeks who someone really is; but, at the same time, you can gain very valuable information within three weeks if you’re authentic and intentional with one another from the start.
Back to my situation at hand…there’s also another possibility; what if I get this wrong? Well, I guess that just means that I’ve misunderstood God and that He has someone even better waiting for me around the corner… And, that I need to tune my spiritual ears a little better to hear Him. I think that’s one of the reasons that I’ve put off writing this post – what if I’m wrong? I’m not speaking to the March 23rd thing either, I mean in general where Kyle is concerned. You know what though? Until God gives me clear guidance by either bringing Kyle back into my life or revealing something about him that shows me that this is outside of His will for my life, or by bringing me someone to wow me even more than Kyle, I’m going to keep on praying that God brings him back into my life. I’m connecting the dots that I believe God has created to form a wonderful story in my life. An acquaintance of mine said something like this the other day, but in reverse. They said that they saw the picture but prayed for God to connect the dots. I think it can work either way, as long as you seek guidance from God. Until this prayer is answered, I’m doing some holy day dreaming and praying for God to move mountains! I believe I’ve connected the dots provided by God (His providential hand). I’m just waiting on God to bring the rest of the picture/story together!
And, in God like fashion, during the time that I’ve taken to write this post (about a week now), I’ve heard two sermons from two different pastors who have basically reinforced what I believe to be true in God’s Word concerning prayer and His will for our lives as His followers. It’s nice to get that reassurance! And, one of the pastors surprised me by asking, “Who do you think is controlling your desires?” God, of course! He then followed by reminding us of Psalm 37:4, “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart” (NIV). Don’t forget we still have free will; but, if our will is God’s will, then we will want what He wants!
Wow – this post was so much longer than I thought it would be! And, again, I had only a few ideas to start with and didn’t know how to weave them together. Thanks again, God! Those that know me know that I can be long winded! Ha, ha! And, this reminds me that Kyle said that he likes that I’m talkative – this had me laughing! He’s the only person that has ever said that to me (and he’s just as talkative)! I love God’s match making skills!
You know what I hope to see on this blog one day? Me telling you the other side of this story and how God worked in Kyle’s life while I was going through my own trials.
Has God answered any crazy faith prayers in your life? I’d love to hear about them! Please share them so that I and others can know about God’s goodness and give Him the glory that He is due!
God Bless,
Penelope G.
PS – You know what? I’ve had this strange feeling of calm come about in the last few days – it’s really settled in on me today – the day I’m about to post this (March 20, 2019). I’m still nervous about this post in general (that part has ratcheted up), but as far as who God has for my future, I have a feeling of peace. And even stranger, my desire for God’s will for my life has become even more powerful. I truly feel at peace about whatever God decides to do in this area of my life – whoever it may be. He knows what I need and my heart’s desires. I’m trusting Him.
PPS – Here are the two sermons that I came across this week that reaffirmed my knowledge of God and His will for our lives as well as prayer. I think you’ll be blessed by listening to them. They’re on One Place and it’s all free:
https://www.oneplace.com/ministries/grace-to-you/listen/gods-will-is-not-secret-part-2-744125.html
https://www.oneplace.com/ministries/in-touch/listen/praying-with-confidence-part-2-727821.html