October 8, 2019
(But really July 30, 2019 to October 8, 2019 – Can you say procrastinator?)
One year ago… Wow, so much has changed, and yet so much is the same. My faith though, it has grown; and, it’s still growing. I’ve been hardheaded and stubborn during this time (well, most of my life), but God has loved me through it all (and many other people have too).
Yesterday (back in August) was a bit strange for me, but not in a bad way. I had some things happen that when I look back on the day it seems like God was setting up some things so that they could be reflected upon. The hard part of this is trying to explain this while keeping information general. So, here we go….
My sister was visiting from out of town and earlier last week she had an appointment to attend. The day before her appointment, she and I spoke and made plans to meet for lunch after her appointment; but, I also knew that she had some tasks to accomplish while she was here visiting for a couple of weeks. So, I suggested that she could run an additional errand after her appointment that morning that might benefit her, prior to she and I meeting later that day.
However, after I made the suggestion, I wondered if I should have said anything at all. So, I prayed about it and asked God that if it were not in His will for it to happen that she would not end up running the errand. Well, as it turned out, the next morning she forgot some of things that she needed in order to run the errand that I suggested. So, I thought that God had answered my prayer and that was the end of it.
Well, later in the week, my sister had another appointment to attend. The night before her appointment, she told me that she was planning on running the errand that I had suggested to her earlier in the week. I still wasn’t sure how I felt about it; so, I prayed about it again. Well, the next morning she ran the errand and later called and told me about it. At first, I was left feeling a little confused about the information that she told me from running her errand. (I’m sorry to be so vague.) But, I thought about it, then prayed about it, thought about it some more, and then prayed about it some more. I continued to go throughout the day thinking about the information she told me. I also had a revelation concerning something that might be related to it, but still haven’t been able to say for certain if it was God or just my own crazy brain.
I didn’t know what to do other than ask my prayer warrior sisters (a small, fabulous group of women who are prayer warriors that I know that I can trust) for clarity, discernment, and steadfastness in knowing God’s will for my life. I also continued to mull over the information that my sister told me. But, with that, I began to think about some other things in my life that I believe God had already spoken to me about, some of which was almost a year ago. There were these little things that popped up that reminded me of things that I believe God put on my heart. I had to keep telling myself that God works from the end backwards. That He knew long ago that I would be thinking the thoughts that I am right now (some of them are pretty crazy and also confusing). That I’ve prayed about certain areas of my life many times in the past. (I have so much in my train of thought right now that I hope that I can accurately get to “paper” right now.)
Well, I decided to try to go about my day as usual and decided to check my email. I came across an email related to this website that led me to check on some things. Not long after that I checked on some of the statistics concerning the website. (I find some of it very interesting.) One of the things that I can see is the top 10 search phrases that bring people to this site. One of the most recent phrases that brought someone to my site was, “Crazy Faith Part 2 by Pastor Todd.” I was intrigued so I put the words into my search engine to see what came up. In addition to my website, I came across the link that the person actually intended to find when they put those words into their search engine. But, what was a little surprising was that I could see that it was for a recorded sermon by a pastor I began listing to in summer/fall of 2018, Pastor Michael Todd. He was preaching on “Crazy Faith.” I could clearly see that it was for “Part 2” so I found the link to “Part 1” and decided to listen. I highly encourage you to listen to his sermon, Crazy Faith (Part 1) (and the entire series for that matter):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiR8TLiyfnc
The first sermon in the series left me in tears and was so encouraging to my own “crazy faith.” Pastor Todd’s sermons acted as a confirmation to me in a way. I had to keep asking myself if I had understood God correctly in the past. Then, I thought about God’s hand in how Kyle and I had met, the connection that we had, etc. Then, today, I also thought about how I’ve stumbled in the months since then. I wondered if I had already cancelled out God’s blessing for me months ago. I had to remind myself that God already knew about my future stumbles when He first introduced Kyle and I to each other… and that He already knew how crazy my thoughts would be concerning this… He knew way back when Kyle and I first met that I would be thinking the crazy thoughts that I’m having right now! Do I sound crazy? Sometimes, I feel crazy. But, really – knowing that God is in control is so comforting! (I still feel crazy though…)
Back to the sermon that I mentioned… I really liked Pastor Todd from the get-go when I first found him on the internet – which, by the way, was through a Facebook link that someone else posted. Until yesterday, it had been months since I listened to one of his sermons; but, as soon as I saw the title of the sermon as “Crazy Faith” and began listening to it, I knew that it was something that I needed to listen to. Well, at first, I didn’t get to listen to it but for a few minutes before I had to leave the house so I could have dinner with my family.
After dinner I decided to try to listen to the remainder of the Crazy Faith (Part 1) sermon while holding my baby nephew and rocking him to sleep. I was actually able to find a little bit of time by myself on my mom’s front porch before I had to stop listening again. Not that there were many people there, but alone time after a family dinner isn’t typical. Well, later that night, after I returned home, I was able to finally listen to the rest of the sermon. And, wow – what an inspiring message! I really hope that you’ll take time to listen to it! The message was very timely in encouraging my faith in the Lord! I don’t believe that it was coincidental. We serve a God of providence, not coincidence! One thing that Pastor Todd keyed in on during this sermon was the definition of “crazy faith.” He first explained the definition of “crazy” and then of “faith.” He went on to give the definition of “crazy faith.”
Here they are:
“Crazy: Not mentally sound; marked by thought or action that lacks reason. Insane, impractical, erratic; being out of the ordinary; unusual.”
“Faith: Trusting in something that you cannot explicitly prove.”
“Crazy faith: Thoughts and actions that lack reason but trusting fully in what you cannot explicitly prove.”
I couldn’t help but link together how I came across the sermon to begin with (my own website), the fact that I had previously posted and titled one of my own blog post series “Crazy Faith,” and the conversation that my sister and I had earlier that day.
Later that night, after I listened to the end of the sermon, my friend, Justin, called. He and I have known each other for over 20 years and have talked about all sorts of things. We both went through a divorce around the same time and we acted as sounding boards for difficult things we were going through during that time period. Even though we live hundreds of miles apart, our friendship has remained steady over the years. We go back and forth in encouraging each other, giving each other a piece of our mind (when needed), and just sharing what life has brought our way recently. We know each other well. We also occasionally talk about God. Sometimes, he’s really lucky (hint of sarcasm on my part) and gets to listen to little sermons from me about what God has been teaching me.
Well, we spoke that night and I had the opportunity to encourage him in Christ concerning a couple of things going on in his life – which also made me talk out my faith in God with him, which in turn rooted my own faith even more (I told my mom this same sentiment today about something else). Basically, God once again used something on my heart, happening in my life, to encourage me by speaking my faith and encouragement to someone else. God’s funny like that sometimes.
Like I mentioned, I also had the opportunity to share my thoughts concerning all of this with my mom. This also makes me feel a little crazy. I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone a lot over the past year or so. You’d think it would be easier by now, especially where family is concerned.
Well, after the first part of Pastor Todd’s Crazy Faith series, I decided to listen to the second one. It was also very good! The “Baby Faith” sermon had me in tears just as the first one did. Both sermons have touched my heart dearly (as have the others). Also, for some reason, the story of Noah, as well as Jack and the Beanstalk, have come up in various sermons, by different pastors, that I’ve listened to recently. Seriously, Jack and the Beanstalk? How has that come up twice in sermons in the past few months? Talk about a random fairytale to use in a sermon (and one that I’ve never heard referenced in a sermon until recently)!
(In my head this blog post weaves together well, but on paper, not so much.)
Back to the topic at hand… hardheaded, stubborn, and loved. That’s me – I’m hardheaded. Sometimes it can take more than one time for me to learn a lesson… even hard painful ones. I’m stubborn – and this can be both good and bad. It’s a balance really. I’m still learning how to “master” this one (if possible). But, you know what? God loves me – and I am so very thankful for that! I feel like there should be a better way to describe how thankful and grateful I am for God’s love – His grace, mercy, and blessings astound me. This past year I’ve had to learn how to relinquish control of my life to God and how to trust Him. This has also helped me to see that I don’t always need to have control where other people are concerned. God’s love has helped me when I’ve been hardheaded and stubborn. Some people might think that those two things are one in the same, but they’re not.
One thing that I’ve had to tell myself, again, is that God knows the future – He knows what I’m going to say and do before I do. I came across Psalm 139 about a year ago and it is so dear to me.
In Psalm 139:4 we’re told, “Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, You know it altogether” (ESV).
Psalm 139:16 says, “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in Your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them” (ESV).
And, when I mess up, I keep in mind that God has given me freewill to choose – but, as His child, He will lovingly use my mistakes (as well as things that happen outside of my control) to teach me and mold me.
In Romans 8:28 we’re told, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (ESV).
Because, once again, God knows it all… He knows my mistakes, my thoughts, my actions (good and bad), and He’s taken them all into consideration, from beginning to end, and will use them to accomplish His purpose.
Isaiah 46:10 “Declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose,…” (ESV).
I don’t take that likely or as carte blanche to do as I please – God has also reminded us in Romans 6 that our freedom in Christ comes with a responsibility, that we are to be “slaves to righteousness” though we are free in Him.
And, on the days when I feel like the devil is trying to weasel his way in to make me feel unworthy, I remind myself of Romans 5:8: “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (NIV).
He chose me to be on this earth and He has loved me even though…. Even though I am hardheaded and stubborn, even though on my best day I could never be “enough” to cover my worst sin, even though [insert the heaviest sin on my heart]…. He still loves me. HE STILL LOVES ME! Thank you, Lord, for covering me and washing away my sins, even though I could never earn it or deserve it, or… even when I “feel” like I might deserve it.
I like the way that the New Living Translation (NLT) puts it in Ephesians 2:8, “God saved you by His grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.”
It’s by grace and grace alone. God wants you to work and live for Him after you’re saved, but your salvation is by grace alone. Nothing you could ever do or say would be enough to earn your way to heaven or to repay Him for all He has done for you.
I’ll be honest and say that I’ve fallen into the thought process from time to time of, “Lord, I’ve been doing really well lately… shouldn’t I have gotten my blessing in this area of life by now?” I’m embarrassed to even say that; but, it’s true. God has been teaching me a myriad of things in the past year or so. Patience and trust is one of them. He’s definitely been very patient with me. I would say that the number one thing God has been teaching me is to give Him control. He’s not going to take it though, you have to freely give it to Him.
I feel like I have repeated myself in my limited number of blog posts thus far. It’s because God has been impressing upon me the same things over and over again. It’s probably because I’m hardheaded and stubborn, yet greatly loved by Him.
Until next time friend, what’s God been doing in your life? How has He been graciously loving you “even though” you stumble and sometimes fall? Remember, there’s no sin too great to bring to God – He’ll cover you in His righteousness!
Until next time, God Bless,
Penelope G.