January 17, 2019
To say that this blog post is overdue is quite an understatement. The past couple of months have been personally trying for me to say the least and I didn’t feel worthy to blog on my own site. However, before my own personal battle, someone else told me this past fall that they didn’t think that they were “worth it.” I still don’t know exactly what they meant when they made that statement. I couldn’t tell if they meant worth it to God or worth it as an individual. Either way, it made me sad to hear them say that. I just didn’t get it. Due to our conversation coming to an end for various reasons, I was not able to explore what they meant by that statement. So, I did what I sometimes do and wrote them a letter. I’m one of the people that still sends cards and the occasional letter. I let them know that they were definitely worth it to God and worth it as a person in general as well. I didn’t hear back from them; I didn’t expect to though and even let them know that I wasn’t expecting a response. I just felt the need to let them know that they were “worth it” – no matter how they meant it.
Like I said, I just didn’t understand how this person could feel that way… until I felt that way myself not long ago. I felt like I wasn’t worth it to God, and in some ways to anyone else. Deep down inside I knew what I was thinking wasn’t true. But, in a general sense, I felt like that – and the feeling was overwhelming. I felt like I had stopped walking with God and that I was no longer “worthy” of any of His blessings – even though at the same time I also knew that I was never “worthy” to begin with – and at the same time totally “worth it” because of the sacrifices that Jesus made on my behalf.
Here’s how I know that I’m “worth it” (and that you are too): Romans 5:8 says, “But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners” (NLT). God sent His son on my behalf (and yours) to die. God didn’t do that “just because” – there was a great purpose and sacrificial love behind it. When I get caught up feeling like I’m “not worth it” I have to remember that God already knows who I am. Psalm 139:4 says, “Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether” (NLT). God already knows that I’m a sinner. Thankfully, I’m bought and redeemed by the blood of Christ. I’m so very thankful for God giving us the Bible to read and re-read. I’m too quick to forget His promises and need reminding.
God clearly knows the future and still decided that even knowing all the mistakes/sins that I would make in life that I was worth creating and bringing into the world – and you too! The Bible reminds us of this in various places, but later in Psalm 139 in verses 13-16 it says, “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed” (NLT).
God has a purpose for each one of us. I don’t know if this blog is my purpose or not; but, there’s nothing else in life that makes me think that I’m fulfilling a worthy purpose right now. Maybe this is my purpose in this season of life and there will be another purpose later on down the road?
The devil was working hard to tell me that I’m not “worthy” or “worth it,” – and he still is to tell you the truth – to try to make me believe that I’m a sorry excuse for a Christian. It’s like he’s been whispering over and over to me, “And you call yourself a Christian…you hypocrite!” And then of course come the feelings that I’m not worthy of any blessings that God “might” have for me and that I might as well just give up, that I’m not worthy to even pray to God. Thankfully, some of my friends have been there to pull me up when I’ve felt discouraged.
But, you know what? The very same day I found myself really not feeling “worthy” I found myself telling another friend that they were “worth it to God, no matter what.” I don’t think that it was a coincidence that I found myself speaking about God’s grace and mercy to someone else when that was what I was struggling with myself. Some days accepting God’s grace and mercy is harder than others. Why is that though? We truly don’t deserve God’s grace, mercy, or blessings at all, no matter how “good” we are.
The Bible tells us in Romans 3:23-25: “For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood” (NLT).
Back in July 2018 I wrote this prayer on a small piece of paper, “Lord, thank you for caring about the little things in my life. It reminds me that You care about the bigger things in my life as well. I am more than a sparrow to You and I am thankful for your blessings.”
I can say that because in Matthew 10:29-31 it says, “What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows” (NLT).
There is nothing I can do, good or bad, that will ever make me more worth it to God. He has already made that determination and I AM WORTH IT – and so are you!
I have some more thoughts about God’s grace and mercy and not misusing it, but I’ll save that for later.
Just incase you’ve not figured this out yet, these blog posts are just as much for me as they are anyone else. I need reminded of God’s grace, mercy, and love – sometimes multiple times a day.
God Bless,
Penelope G.