January 20, 2019
Waiting expectantly – those two words have meant a lot to me in the past few months. But I’ve had to ask myself recently if I’m really doing that. Am I waiting without really expecting God to come through in answering my prayers for a godly Christian husband? Or even worse yet, am I just expecting without actually waiting?
The truth is, I think I’ve done all three since summer 2018. I’m using that date as a point of reference because that’s when I recall God getting a hold of the controlling worry in my life. Still, some days are better than others, but for the most part, it was a hard fought battle that I don’t care to relive. So, I try to give it back to God each time I feel it coming on. Now, if only other things in my life were that easy. Actually, it probably can be; but, some areas of our lives have more of a stronghold than others. Control was my biggest one for a long time. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fly by the seat of my pants type of person now, but I’m ok with not having control over the details all the time now.
In no way did I think that was my only flaw in life; but, I guess it was so overshadowing to the other parts of my life that I didn’t realize the other areas that needed help. Some of them are not necessarily a bad thing in general, but they could be, given the wrong situation. I won’t go into details, but maybe you can understand that you shouldn’t do something or use something to fill a void where you’re lacking in another area – that it’s something that you should give over to God and let Him handle. Easier said than done though.
Have you ever seen the short YouTube skit of a man portraying Jesus and a woman who keeps trying to give her life to Him to have Him make all of the decisions yet she’s having trouble doing it? If, not just watch this short 2-minute video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3qh2dJxUy8. That’s me – well, that’s a lot of us; but, some days are easier than others for me to give God the stool.
I went from waiting expectantly on God to answer my prayers, to waiting, to expecting, and back to waiting expectantly. I’ll probably (unfortunately) cycle through this process again at some point. And, if I’m honest with myself (and you), this is a form of trying to take control back in this area of my life. Have you ever heard the term, “hurry up and wait?” I feel like that’s me during this period of life… almost like it’s Ground Hog’s Day. I guess like the main character in that movie, I have things that I need to learn before my proverbial Ground Hog’s Day is over. (I’m full of analogies and metaphors – I can’t help it.) And, here I thought that God had already taught and tested my patience years ago. Maybe it was developed for this time period in life? I’m not sure I’m doing that well though. At least I’m consistent in that I want everyone’s prayers to be answered in a short time period, and not just ones that pertain to me. The thing is though, I seem to expect more of my prayers concerning other people to be answered than ones that are specific to me. That’s not Biblical though – why can’t I get that through my head?
I mean, this whole site is based on Psalm 5:3: “In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.” (NIV) (my emphasis, not the Bible’s). There are various passages in the Bible about hoping and waiting on the Lord.
You know what though? I haven’t exactly acted like I’ve been waiting on God to answer my prayers. I’ve not lived up to the promises that I’ve made to God or myself during this time period. For one, it was over two months before I posted a blog post from November to January. Of course, God knew when I promised Him about the frequency that I would blog that I would screw up. I still want to keep my word to Him even though He can see the whole picture.
I’m so very thankful that we serve a God who knows all things and yet still loves us! There’s nothing that I can do or not do that will make Him love me any more or any less (same goes for you)! That’s not giving me a pass to do as a I wish though. I have a responsibility to Him and myself. I don’t particularly like the saying, “God helps those who help themselves.” I don’t believe that it’s said in the right spirit. I mean, God expects us to do our part in life, but it feels like that phrase is taking away God’s sovereignty, love, grace, and blessings and placing them in our hands instead of His hands – that’s not right. In the book “The Circle Maker,” Mark Batterson has a phrase that says, “Pray like it depends on God and work like it depends on you.” I think that phrase is much better. I’ve been doing half here and half there though. I need to refocus.
Aren’t we lucky to have a God of not just second chances, but of third, fourth, and nine hundred chances? Rather than trying to explain this to you, allow me to link this short blog from the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association which does so concisely: https://billygraham.org/answer/does-god-give-us-second-chances/. I know I’m thankful for chances to start over. He’s not failed me yet. I just have to keep that in mind while I’m in this period of waiting. I have to remember to wait expectantly on Him – to be hopeful and not anxious, to be obedient and not selfish. Each day is a new beginning, and while I’m not much of a morning person, I’m so happy for a fresh start to a new day! There are days where I mentally picture a ruck sack full of dreams and burdens that I lay at the foot of the cross for Jesus to take over and handle for me. I just have to leave it there and not pick it back up – not easy to do sometimes. God can handle it all and sort out the mixed bag of stuff that I leave there. The wonderful thing though is that God cares about things big and small – even the junk that I have been holding on to for far too long. I can almost feel the weight lift off of my shoulders and my back release when I picture myself dropping it at the foot of the cross. I encourage you to do the same my friend, whether it be for the first time or the millionth time. He cares for us and wants the best for us, nothing less. Take time to speak with Him to voice your hopes, fears, and dreams by praying to Him – and then give Him room to work.
God Bless,
Penelope G.
Ps* One of these days I’m going to link songs to all of my blog posts. Almost each time I have songs (new and old) running through my mind when writing them.