December 31, 2019
(Really December 23-31)
Land Ho! That’s sort of what I feel like I’m waiting to say. I feel like I’ve been floating at sea waiting for God to answer my prayers for a long time now. For those unfamiliar with the phrase, it’s what sailors used to say when they had been at sea and land was spotted. Although, I don’t know that I’ll actually get to spot the land in advance. I have a feeling God will surprise me. I’m kind of expecting to hit land like a boat does when it washes up on the sand and you feel the ground slide beneath the boat announcing you’ve come upon land. Then, I’ll be able to shout, “Land Ho!” For some reason I picture myself lying down staring up at the sky when I finally do wash up on the shore.
I’ve heard people say that God sometimes has people wait in a hallway or in a waiting room while working on the answers to their prayers. I don’t like that analogy. I’ve always been bored in hallways or waiting rooms, and I feel a little claustrophobic at times. I can’t say that I’ve floated at sea for any length of time to know that I would enjoy it either; but, I like to think that I’m on a boat and that God is teaching me to be a skilled sailor. Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, “A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.” I would say that a life without trials never made an anchored Christian. Do you like my nautical analogy? Ha, ha – I’m lame like that. Seriously though, I feel like God has taught me so very much during this time of waiting. I feel like 1 Peter 1:6-7 has come to life for me in a very personal way. It says this:
“So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world” (NLT).
I have to admit though that I’ve taken my fair share of detours here and there (be it person, place, or thing). My detours have been craftily disguised sometimes too (by the devil, no doubt). Allow me to continue with my sailing metaphor. At times I can see that the island is pretty much barren or no good and I decide to pass on by. Other times, I decide to stop and visit an island because I’m bored. And, other times, I see an island that looks promising, only to get out and discern that it is also barren. So, I get back in the boat… waiting to hit land that’s worth my time and worthy of what I believe God would want for my life.
Here’s the thing… I sometimes paddle and other times I just float… and, sometimes, in the wrong direction (for both paddling and floating). After taking my detours I wonder what’s wrong with me because I should have known better (and I usually did). It’s easy for me to picture this in my head… me sitting in a row boat on the ocean, staring up at the sky, wondering when I’ll feel the bottom of my boat brush up on the shore. Don’t get me wrong… I’m not aimlessly going through life. I just don’t feel the need to try to force things to happen in my life (not anymore at least). I believe that God wants me to do my part; but, I’ve also realized that God is the God of providence… not coincidence, not luck, not happenstance, or even serendipity. God is the ultimate scriptwriter and director. He knows my thoughts and my actions, even before I do. I have grown to love Psalm 139, which says exactly that.
Psalm 139:1-4 (NIV) says: “You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely…”
During my period of waiting for God to bring me a God fearing and loving man to be my husband, of whom I believe I’ve already met (read my past blogs to better understand), God has worked in me so much! I’m not the same person I was a year and a half or two years ago!
I’ve been able to solidify my forgiveness of others when I wasn’t sure if I had truly forgiven them. I’ve asked for forgiveness of others that I never dreamt of apologizing to. I’ve grown as an individual (both in Christ and as a woman in general). And, I’ve gotten to know the heart of God in such a deep and personal way – a way in which I would’ve never had the opportunity unless God had allowed me to mess up and experience pain in such a real way (it’s been worth it).
There was a war waged against me in heavenly realms, but God used the situation to speak to my heart, to cause me to search Him out, to ask questions of Him (sometimes really hard ones for me to grasp), to wrestle with religion vs. relationship with Him, to show me how secure in Him I really am, to show me how much He REALLY LOVES me, and SO much about His grace.
I may not have concrete proof (in advance) of how my story is going to end, but I know this:
Romans 8:28 (NLT) says: “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”
God has already won the victory – both over death and in my personal life circumstances. I can’t lose… I’m going to win! I’m just waiting to see the revelation of my prayers come to life. God is good and He will NOT let me down. He is good and He loves me (and you) so much that He will always give us His best – IF we wait on Him. We have to ask for His wisdom and discernment and be okay with the answer… even if it’s not a, “Yes,” and it comes out as a “No,” or “Not yet.” I’ve learned that the “Not yet” could be that there’s nothing wrong with what you’re asking for… God may answer that prayer exactly, but in His timing… or, He may actually be saying, “I’ve got something better for you.” Waiting is hard though, especially when you don’t know the specific outcome. God is faithful though and has given us the promise of John 15:7 (NIV):
“If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”
So, as long as God still has me waiting (and I’ve prayed for discernment) then no answer (on this side of Heaven) means that there’s still a possibility of my specific prayers being answered. He’s not even seen fit to answer them in any shape or form at this point – nothing, nada, zilch, when it comes to this area of my life. Only ill-fitting candidates for the position have shown up. These aren’t bad people, just not people who God would approve of me being with in a romantic relationship (according to His Word). I’ve been interested in some of them, but it didn’t take too long to figure out that God wasn’t in the situation. Isn’t it weird to find encouragement in the nothingness? Don’t get me wrong, at times it’s frustrating, depressing, confusing, and disheartening. But, somehow, God sustains me to get through another day. There are some days that I get really excited and overwhelmed at God’s goodness and the opportunities that He provides us through His Word. I have to wonder if we really even begin to take advantage, to even a small percentage, of the various blessings and promises that God has for us. Some will never come be seen on this side of Heaven unless we ask God. That’s something I sometimes think about… wondering if when I get to Heaven I’ll see a room with shelving of various blessings that God had waiting for me if I’d only asked Him to intervene and not tried to do it all on my own.
And, something else that I’ve learned while sometimes feeling like I’m drifting at sea… It takes courage to wait. Not everyone will understand your journey, even if they say that they do. Some well-meaning people in my life have said one thing, but their actions have said another. I’m not condemning them… honestly, I’d probably say or do the same things if I were them. They love and care about me and want the best for me. You have to know that your journey may look completely different to the world than what’s comfortable (for both you and them)… and that’s okay. Growth never came from a place of familiarity. God will honor and use your faith one way or another. How do I know this?
Hebrews 11:6 (NLT) says this: “And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to Him must believe that God exists and that He rewards those who sincerely seek Him.”
The crazy thing is that a lot of people are familiar with the first part that says, “And it is impossible to please God without faith.” It’s the other part that I wonder if people are familiar with… I know that I wasn’t until a few weeks ago. Maybe I just forgot about it; I’m not sure. But, at just the right time, after pondering things in my mind for weeks (maybe months) and then pouring my heart out, the answer was presented to me in a way that I had never noticed before… I realized what the other half of that verse said, “Anyone who wants to come to Him must believe that God exists and that He rewards those who sincerely seek Him.”
I had been feeling like everyone who doesn’t seem to care one way or another if they honor God was being blessed. Yes, I was a bit judgmental in this thought process (in the wrong kind of way). Don’t act like you’ve never done the same – I’m still human. I’ve had to ask God for forgiveness about this more than once. You know what though? God has allowed me to sometimes have a peek inside other people’s lives to see that sometimes the grass is not “greener on the other side.” I logically knew this, but to see and/or hear it for myself has been a bit eye opening. I’m not naïve, just a bit thick headed at times (sometimes read as stubborn).
I was asking myself if any of my faith or obedience was going to really matter in the end. After pouring out my heart, it was not even five minutes before the answer was presented… on social media of all things. I was scrolling online when I saw a paraphrase of Hebrews 11:6. I like to look up verses online when I think they sound too good to be true or too harsh. Most times they are spot on and were just written in a general or paraphrased manner. I couldn’t help but be elated with God’s quick reply to my pondering that night. God has met me every step of the way when I’ve had a question about who He is.
So, it can be surprising when you get a reality check and think that God might actually answer your very specific prayers. (Sorry for being non-descript.) If you ever need to get confused just get your heart and your head in a conversation about something important, especially if they seem to be in disagreement. You’ll begin to ask questions like: Do I still want what I think I want? Am I ready? Is this from God? I’m scared; why am I scared? Aaarrgghh – seriously?! Again?! [Insert eyeroll.] What’s wrong with me?!
Thankfully, not long after those exhausting thoughts run through my mind they are followed by some awesome thoughts. God is in control! And, while my mind may freak out, my spirit will remind me of Whose child I am! I really can’t lose! God is for me, not against me, and HE loves me way too much to bring me this far and just leave me.
Philippians 1:6 (NIV) says: “…being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
That’s just one of the promises that we have from God. I’m thankful to know that He is faithful, even when I am not.
So, until I am able to say, “Land Ho!,” I’ll try to keep a cheerful attitude (something else I’ve been thinking about lately). I really have been learning what it means to live out Romans 12:12 (paraphrased): “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.” For once in my life I think I’m able to say that I can do all three simultaneously. I guess time will tell how much so.
So, friend, what do you need to have hope about? What prayers are you waiting on God to answer? Are you joyful in hope, patient in affliction (with God, yourself, and others), and being faithful in prayer? I know for a while I felt like I just couldn’t get my act together to do all three at once. There are days that I still can’t seem to get it right; but, it’s easier now than it used to be. Overall though, I think I get it right more days than not. Ask God to help you learn how to bring Romans 12:12 to action in your life and watch Him work.
God Bless and I’ll talk with you next year,
Penelope G.